The faces I grow

Dear Medha Tai,

You know I am a single woman. Like all other cows around me I nurture dreams of happily ever after hand in hand with my soulmate.
There is no river or land that has been snatched away from me. I have lived a happy privileged life I guess!
Its so funny that Sunday times story about you has stayed with me all these years. I was a little girl even then. All my dreams were about getting a chocolate boy to dance with me around the trees. And Failing and Passing in that desire isnt it strange that I come back to your face.
I have never thought of you as a pretty woman!There are all those pretty faces on Television which draw more Ooohhs and Ahhhhs. These faces are closer to what I am told to become like!(by people who lead happier lives!!) Their faces are not wrinkled in battles, Their fair skin hasn't been tanned in any fight!They are naturally beautiful I am told! I am working hard these days to reach that natural state.
I remember the comfort of sitting beside you once on a Dharna(I must have come there just for kicks!) And there in the sizzling heat of burning sun in Azad Park in Mumbai I saw The huge woman you were!How would you fit in any mans arm Tai? There was this whole community that leaned on your shoulders for strength. Your sari is always a little faded Tai.
I gulp my saliva in the tempering hot afternoons when I am thrown on to the hard real life and there is an uneasiness in me. I think I am graying and wrinkling and tanning to resemble you more as I grow up. The illusion that I could still be beautiful if that face wash worked is fading. The chocolate boys are all walking away.. The harsh boiling sun smiles at me more often these days. I sweat and smell of sweat in this grinding reality. I think I love the days I  look like you large and ordinary! I will never be naturally beautiful now.