I never forget the last scene of Wonkar Wai’s film ‘Days of Being Wild’. The devastatingly handsome Hong Kong lothario who seduces and forsakes women without compunction is with a man who asks him if he remembers Su Lizen a woman who he ditched and left to suffer and the Lothario replies ‘how is she’ what she does at 9 pm.
Then he says looking worried ‘Don’t tell her that I remember her’ Let her find happiness somewhere else! At that heart breaking moment for the first time in the whole film it becomes clear to one that this difficult strange man did indeed love the girl whose life he has forever broken in two parts.
The hero dies shortly afterwards in a train gang war and you are left with a deep wound. The wound of seeing lover’s suffering longing for each other in helplessness. That short sharp shock in the film I believe added to the pain of the world that cries for a resolution/closure. I won’t stop thinking about it till the closure is reached!
I also never forget the story in my 9th standard Literature course called ‘Love Love Love’ by VS Naipaul about a black young neighbor they had who had an alcoholic husband who would beat her up blue and black and how she escaped saving her life from him only to come back to him and get beaten up and feel happy about it. There was something about how Naipaul narrated that story that captured the mind of a 15 year old to think so deeply about the compulsion/helplessness of love.
I am sure all of have had men/women around us whose daily love calls were more frightening and annoying than any horror films that we could have attended. The drama of cutting fists for lost loves, the crying the weeping the hysteria all make for some very alive memories in my head. A girl in my hostel in Nashik who would cry everyday for two hours after speaking to her boyfriend. There is a dialogue that she used to shout at him that stays with me forever. After a few guttural sounds like some beast had opened her belly she would shriek to the man on the other end ‘majha traas naku deu” ‘Don’t give me pain’ The problem apparently was that the guy wouldn’t marry her soon enough even though they had very elaborate plans of eloping.
There was another who everyday would beg her boyfriend to not suspect her as she was being completely faithful. Why she cried why trying to explain this thing is a simple thing that I never understood then. Now maybe I do! The story went like this..the girl had a long affair with a guy of a different cast and the guy was a goon back in Jhansi and this girl struck to him because she was afraid that he wouldn’t let her marry anyone else! The same girl is now happily married to another guy. I don’t know her phone routine is anymore peaceful than earlier though!
Another person who stays in my mind for his love story is an editor who would take half hourly breaks every consecutive hour to talk to his girlfriend/wife. He would come back with a red face and teary eyes. I always wondered what was happening between them that made for the frantic nervous calls. I could never tell and I could never ask because he was a fiercely personal sober kind of a person. But just the fact that there he was known more for his breaks than anything else is something I never forget!
Recently I was reading Thich Nhat Hanh’s book on Love called Understanding love where he recalls his short love story. The story is about how this Noble Monk fell in love with a young nun and she too fell in love with him. They however bound under their bows to reach Buddhahood decided not to bite into the temptation and keep doing their duty as a monk and nun. Thay talks about how his agony lasted less than 24 hours before he became aware of the fact that love could even continue long distance and love didn’t mean matrimony or conjugal bliss.
I laughed a hollow little laugh after I finished Thich Nhat Hanh’s book. The sad part about me(and most of the rest of us) is that we are succors for pain and drama. The scale on which Thay speaks is nursery level for us, who have struggled in the worldly love. And for the first time I felt myself falling on the side of these mad people who so far only amused me. I really now do believe that the journey we mortals experience in the dark night of the soul that comes after heartbreak is as noble as any other kind of spiritual journey.
What kind of hardship have you experienced if you haven’t torn your hair apart and wanted to sew the earth and sky so that nothing in between moves to cause the pain that love causes. I hate how we homogenize love and put labels on how it should only lead to the homogenized happiness. You love me I love you equally back. Measured, sane and facile! Thanks But no Thanks!
I suppose the only reason people should be together is very beautifully described by Elizabeth Gilbert "People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave. A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master..."
Having lived for so long off course one knows that love is a sad song and yet "I like to see people reunited, I like to see people run to each other, I like the kissing and the crying, I like the impatience, the stories that the mouth can't tell fast enough, the ears that aren't big enough, the eyes that can't take in all of the change, I like the hugging, the bringing together, the end of missing someone." Some of us are born of hearts more stubborn and stoic than average people. Some of us have more knack for drama. Some of us don’t fall apart despite numerous knocks. Some of us can deal with love despite all the mess it creates! Some of us go round and round and round in love and never stop!
